About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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