i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
