Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
