So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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