Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
