just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
