I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
