I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize