first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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