So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
