I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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