I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so explain again why im purple
no
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
