Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
