I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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