I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
