I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
