I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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