I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
