i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my shit smells like andre
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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