im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
