Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
