Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
