Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
