I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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