SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
