I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
