i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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