i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
