Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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