cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize