come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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