just come out here and I will go home with you...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
