So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
