i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize