I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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