if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
