how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
