What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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