Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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