I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
