He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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