Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize