Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
