I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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