News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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