she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
