So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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