Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize