Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
