I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize