He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
