I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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