News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
