Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
