You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
