this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
