the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize