yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
