i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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