Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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