yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You smell like stripper and shame
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
