Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
