I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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