he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
