Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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