I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize