The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
