The maid of honor just puked.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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